How to Get Head in Comedy..

Well that’s what I thought it said when I first read the ad in yesterday’s Media Guardian.  To be perfectly honest if I knew how to do that I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this.

A few weeks a go I was asked by a friend at Tiger Aspect (production company of ‘Benidorm’) if I would be a panelist on a Royal Television Society ‘Futures’ evening.  When I asked what it would entail doing I was told a clip of my choice from a tv show I have been involved in would be shown and then I’d be expected to answer questions from the floor (from the floor?  Were they all going to be drunk?  I certainly hope so).  For some reason I agreed, I’m not really sure why.  I suppose it’s the first time I’ve been asked to do one of these things when I have actually known the person who requested my input.  In the last 2 or 3 years I’ve been asked to go everywhere from Berlin to Rome (and a few places inbetween) but always thought it was a bit of a palaver to travel there and of course the thorny problem of “what on earth would I say?”.

I’m not doing that very English thing of playing down my achievements, I think I’ve acheived incredible things in my career, I just don’t know how I’ve done it.  I suppose John Plowman is there to give the practical advice and I’m just there is to throw in the odd nob joke.  I guess it’s useful in a way to have someone with a successful tv comedy airing on a major channel to confess he doesn’t really know what it’s all about.  I worked for John Sullivan writing an episode (and co-writing another) of his Only Fools & Horses spin off ‘Green Green Grass’ and he said pretty much the same.  Actually he didn’t, I said that everytime I finish writing a sketch (I was writing The Catherine Tate Show at the time) I convinced myself I couldn’t do it again, that I’d ran out of funny things to say and funny situations to which (to my astonishment) he agreed and felt the same way after every episode of Only Fools!

So if you are coming to the RTS event please feel free to ask me any questions, make them  as probing as you like, just don’t be disappointed when you get reply, “ooh I haven’t got a clue, is it time for the sandwiches yet?”.

Advert in yesterday's Media Guardian.

Viva Last Vegas...

Johnny Vegas on The Graham Norton Show

I’ve thought a lot today about whether I should post this blog or not.  I’ve decided I should as this is a  forum (albeit self created) for my thoughts and opinions so if something’s eating away at me it’s probably a good place to get it off my chest.
On Monday night Johnny Vegas was a guest on Graham Norton’s show, along with Alison Moyet and David Tennant.  During this edited show Johnny said some surprising things about Benidorm (the holiday destination).   When asked by Graham Norton how many months he worked in Benidorm (for series 3) Johnny said, “three”.
Graham: That’s a long time in Benidorm isn’t it?
Johnny: It is in Benidorm yeah.  Have you been there? (Johnny’s face at this point looked less than enthusiastic)
Graham:  No.  (With an “of course not” expression)
David Tennant:  Is it like Blackpool?
Johnny:  No, everyone goes, y’know, it’s like the Blackpool of Spain and y’go, no it’s not… I’ve had fun in Blackpool.  It’s like Christmas every day. But Christmas… in an asylum.  Every day.  It’s, it’s, there’s too much temptation, there’s too many mad people, it’s, it’s not a healthy place to be with my fragile personality.
Slightly later Johnny relented a little by saying ” Benidorm’s lovely, it is what it is…”  and then talked about ex pats in Benidorm complaining about foreigners in their own country as a reason to why they left England.  I’m not going to dwell on that bit because it was quite obviously  part of a routine (whether it’s in his stand up act or not I don’t know but I’ve heard him say it on another chat show so it’s ‘material’, and I do think it’s funny; I’m sure many ex pats will be offended but I for one know it’s sometimes difficult to write good comedy without offending someone, somewhere).
What I do have a problem with is Johnny painting Benidorm as this horrific, unspeakable place where it’s impossible to have fun.  Something millions of returning holiday makers to Benidorm every year would disagree with. Yes, I understand he was suggesting it’s impossible for him to have fun there (something which was far from apparent to me during filming) but I think the problem here is if the general public think Johnny Vegas can’t have fun in Benidorm what hope do others have?
This also comes after shooting Benidorm 3 where, one night, Johnny confided in me, “all my friends are embarrassed I’m in this show”.  I didn’t really have an answer to that.  I still don’t.
I don’t think it’s strange that I don’t know Johnny after working on the same show as him for 3 years, some work colleagues you get to know well, others you don’t, but I feel really let down by him after this as do many Benidorm holiday makers, workers and residents who have contacted me in the last 24hrs, offended by Johnny Vegas’s words on The Graham Norton Show.
I suppose the final insult during the interview was Johnny then plugging his new DVD, ‘Johnny Vegas Live at The Benidorm Palace’.  Johnny called me months ago and asked me if he could have my blessing for him to make a stand up DVD in Benidorm (obviously cashing in on the success of my show).  I did give him my blessing but now I just wish he’d made it some place where he could have had a bit more fun.

And You Are?...

I’ve been an actor for 16 years and made a decent living from just acting for about a dozen or so of those years.  I admit I’ve not done much acting in the last 3 years or so but that has been mainly because I’ve been so busy with my second job, writing.

When I wrote series 1 of Benidorm I was trying to decide whether I wanted to play Mick or The Oracle.  In the end I bottled out and decided I wanted to play neither.  The main reason for this was my fear of it becoming a mainstream hit.  Yes, you read that right, a strange fear for a television actor but I’ve never wanted to be a recognisable face.  People asking where they know my face from embarrasses me greatly. There is no right answer.  I usually say, “I’ve just got one of those faces” or “I live around the corner” or I sometimes turn it around and say “I know your face too” and try to get more annoyed about it than them.  On the rare occasions I have said, “I’m an actor, I’m on the television sometimes”, it’s often met with a slow shake of the head and a ponderous, “no, that’s not it..”.

I’ve been trying to think where this worry of recognition or ‘over exposure’ comes from and I think there’s only one answer.  When I was in my mid twenties I was drinking in an after hours pub in the east end of London when I noticed someone on another table looking at me and seemingly talking about me with a less than appreciative look on his face.  I was used to people looking at me quizzically, trying to think where they knew my face from as even at this early age I had already appeared in at least half a dozen UK tv commercials and a tv series (Pie In The Sky)  but usually folk never worked it out and I was left in peace. Suddenly this skanky looking rat boy leapt to his feet, smashed his beer bottle on the edge of his table and with a bizarre shout of, “YOU’RE NOT EVEN FUCKING FAMOUS” pushed the end of the shattered bottle into my face.  Luckily I wasn’t the lolloping lard arse I am today and I moved quickly, turning my head so the glass didn’t take out my eye but only left me with a medium sized scar on the left hand side of my face.

In A&E I tried to go back over the evenings events prior to this attack. Was I loudly shouting anecdotes of how I had been at Judi Dench’s house the night before?  Was I standing on a chair giving my drama school audition speech from Pinter’s The Dumb Waiter? Maybe I was subconsciously singing a medley of  songs from Annie Get Your Gun while giving a rogue vulgar wink over the footlights?  No. I was just sitting having a drink with a couple of friends.  I don’t know why this kid was annoyed that I was on the telly (maybe disgusted that I had failed to make myself a household name). Whatever the reason I’m absolutely clueless why it filled him with such frustration and hate.

Now I’m not saying this is a regular occurrence, actually nothing like it has ever happened since.  But maybe, at times when I’m asked by my agent if I want to go for a recall to play Caroline Quentin’s husband in a new BBC sitcom or I think of giving myself a part in my own show that has more than 4 lines, somewhere in the back of my mind I’m worried about some dribbling mental pushing my face through a plate glass window because I’ve never managed to appear in a hollywood movie.  Hopefully I’ll never know.

*Actually I now remember why I didn’t want to go for a recall for the Caroline Quentin sitcom, it was shit.

FAQ off..

I’ve had a lot of questions recently via email, Twitter Direct Message, carrier pigeon etc… Most of them are one of a few questions I get asked a lot.  I thought I’d put the answers to those questions here so they can be found in one place.

How do I get my script on television?

This is a tricky one, if I’m supposed to answer from my own experience I’d have to say wait until your best friend at drama school is offered her own tv show and she will ask you to write for it.  As this won’t suit everyone I would say think what kind of script you have (if you’re asking me this question I assume you’ve written a comedy script) and then send it to a television production company.

Will you read my script?

No, I’m a writer, not a reader.  But seriously, I get asked this all the time and I’m afraid I have to say no; I don’t have time to read all the scripts people want to send me.  Anyway, I’m not the right person for you to give it to.  You need to send it to a television producer who might want to make it.

Who should I send my script to?

Think of your favourite tv shows, watch an episode (or fast forward to the end if you’re impatient) and the end credits will tell you who makes that programme.  Send your script to them, or at least a treatment/synopsis of what your intended show is about.  Or you could send your script directly to the BBC, check out http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/

You co-wrote The Catherine Tate Show, is it easier to write with another person or alone?

I’ve never written anything with anyone else; everything I wrote for The Catherine Tate Show was written just by me.

How did you get the idea for Benidorm?

I started with a sketch about middle aged swingers.  The sketch was set in a suburban living room, I thought this was a bit boring so I set it around a swimming pool on holiday.  Then I imagined who else might be sitting around the pool.  I wrote two episodes of the show before I actually visited Benidorm.

Can I be an extra/Supporting Artist in Benidorm?

When we shoot Benidorm we are on location there for 3-4months.  During that time some days we needs extras, some days we don’t.  Extras have to be Benidorm residents as we may need to reshoot a scene we filmed 2 months ago; difficult to do if the people in the background we need to match have finished their holiday and are back in the UK.  Most of the time extras are called up the night before to see if they are available and sometimes canceled the night before.  We have built up a network of local people in Benidorm that work as extras over the last 3 series who are now used to the conditions…  They get up about 6am, start before everyone else and finish after everyone else, they are the last to eat at lunchtime and get paid very little.  Am I making this sound too glamorous?

Will there be a 5th series of Benidorm?

http://derrenlitten.blog.com/2011/02/21/competition-time-3/

Can you confirm or deny a certain actor/celebrity is going to appear in Benidorm?

No.

How can I write to/obtain an autograph of a Benidorm actor?

http://www.spotlight.com/ Enter the performer’s name in the “search” field in the top right hand of the page.

I Don’t Mean To Offend But…

Jimmy Carr has recently apologised for any offence he may have caused after a joke of his about UK servicemen hit the headlines.  As I’ve mentioned before in this blog, we receive a small number of complaints during and after each series of Benidorm.  Although I don’t like to think  I offend anyone with the tv shows I write I think it’s kind of unavoidable.  The kind of things that make me laugh most are usually things that society tells me I shouldn’t be laughing at.  In series 1 there was a conversation between 2 characters about one confusing M.S. for M.E. (or was it the other way around?…); anyway, we had a fair number of complaints about that scene, mainly because of the line from the character Janice saying “M.E., M.S., it’s all  lazy buggers cracking on there’s something wrong with them int it?”.  For me, the humour in that comes from the character trying to make ‘friendly’ small talk and failing miserably by being hugely offensive. Interestingly  I also got an email from an old friend of mine Wayne Dobson ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayne_Dobson ) who said he wept with laughter at that scene and yes, you guessed it, Wayne suffers from M.S. Of course you can’t please all of the people all of the time; I’ve recently got two emails from fans of the show asking why I have ‘toned down’ the characters Donald and Jacqueline.  Well, I haven’t.  Not knowingly anyway.  I think the difference is in the first series viewers didn’t know the characters and it was a bit of a shock to hear two, not conventionally attractive, middle aged characters talking very openly about sex.  In episode 2 they corner Martin and  reveal Jacqueline has always had a crush on him and how Donald could be “very passive with the right, sensitive kind of man”, I don’t think that is ‘toning them down’; I think it’s one of the most terrifying, sinister parts of series 3!

We were told at the beginning of shooting for series 3 that under no circumstances were we allowed the word ‘fuck’ or phrase ‘fucking hell’.  This obviously came hot on the heels of the Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross controversy and upset me greatly.  As Billy Connolly quite rightly says, “people complain about me swearing, what they fail to mention is I do it very well”.  I’m not that good at blowing my own trumpet, let’s face it, if I was I’d never leave the house (© Bob Monkhouse circa 1976) but I do think the swearing in Benidorm is used sparingly and well.  I self censor a lot when writing 2nd and 3rd drafts and some swearing falls by the wayside but every now and again substitutes just don’t ring true (or funny). If you’ve been watching this series of Benidorm then you’ll realise ITV did relax a little (as the Ross/Brand furor began to die down) they let me use the language I felt was right for the show and everyone was happy.  Except for the few moaning tossers that are still complaining of course…