First day of rehearsals today, very bright and hot sun just like yesterday.  I spent most of the day running around asking if people had sun block on; (not holiday makers you understand, the cast; for continuity purposes later on).  The town of Benidorm isn’t most actor’s dream holiday destination but they all seem to be enjoying the sun, lounging on sun beds chatting, reading newspapers or learning lines in between rehearsing.  It’s very odd to see people I’ve admired hugely for years,  Steve Pemberton, Siobhan Finneran, Johnny Vegas, Kenny Ireland, Janine Duvitski and more all in Benidorm, all rehearsing a show that came out of my head.

Cast read through today, we all assembled in a conference room at the hotel were some of the actors are staying.  It was quite bizarre to see all these amazing actors out in Spain… it’s really happened, ITV are really making the show I’ve written… it was quite a surreal moment.  As I sat down I suddenly thought to myself, what if nobody laughs?  It’s meant to be a comedy… but what if nobody laughs?  Maybe they won’t laugh through nerves, maybe they won’t laugh because it’s not that funny, actually I don’t care about the reason, it’s supposed to be a comedy but what if nobody fucking laughs??!!!  Everyone settled down and there were short welcome speeches from producer Geoffrey Perkins and head of ITV comedy Paul Jackson.  I felt sick and daren’t look up… oh my god, what if I laugh??  I can’t laugh at something I’ve bloody written (especially if no fucker else does); even though I’ve written a show that makes me laugh (why else would I bother) I can’t be seen to be laughing at it in public…  All these mad thoughts ran through my mind as we started the read.  We read all six episodes with a few breaks for coffee and cakes out on the terrace in the blazing Spanish sun.  The cast laughed, people from ITV laughed, the director laughed, the producer laughed and yes, sadly enough, I laughed.  Although the joy of laughing at the way the lines were delivered by our brilliant cast rather than the lines themselves kind of made it OK (in my mind anyway).

It rained today!  Jesus Christ, don’t they know we’re here to make a show about people holidaying in the sun?!  OK, it wasn’t much rain but enough to send people hurrying indoors for half an hour or so.  Bloody hell, the cast arrive today, what must they think they’ve let themselves in for?!

Moved into the apartment today, it’s quite lovely and has a huge amount of space.  Far too big for one person but then I’ve got several people coming out to visit me at various times while I’m here (thank God).  The massive balcony has a great view of the sea and lots of people taking their cute little dogs for walks.  Tiny lap dogs seem to be standard issue here which is a bit difficult as I’m missing our dog Charlie a lot.  Got very angry when I couldn’t find my electric shaver even though I knew I’d plugged it in the bathroom.  Ragged everything out of my suitcase and my ruck sack but couldn’t find it anywhere; was well pissed off as I’d only just bought it last week at Gatwick.  Later on I found it whenI realised there are two bathrooms in this apartment.  Oh, the extravagance…

In the bar of the hotel tonight there was an act which consisted of a man balancing on catering size tins of baked beans; I kid you not.  The fairly impressive part of the routine was that the greasy rug on his head which passed for a wig never moved an inch, no matter how many tins of beans he balanced on.  His assistant was actually very good, enthusiastically punctuating each applause cue in a manner which would not have looked out of place in a Las Vegas illusion show.  Unfortunately our man wobbling on the tins would not have looked out of place in a lunatic asylum.

Only a couple of nights remaining in this hotel, next week I’ll be in the apartment.  Apparently the apartments are about a 20 min drive away from the madness that is Benidorm… now, will that be a relief or will I go stir crazy?  Watch this space.

Went to the production office for the first time today; cocking hell!  It’s unbelievable!  Very modern (and pink!) building with a beautiful palm tree in the foyer!  Wireless internet, kitchen, meeting rooms etc… all mod cons!  If my apartment I’m moving into next week is half as nice as this I’ll be a happy bunny.  Went to see Chrissy Rock tonight at Morgan’s Tavern; very funny Liverpool comedian, what your mother or gran would describe as “very blue”.  I didn’t realise but she was in the Ken Loach film ‘Ladybird Ladybird’, she was also in ‘Clocking Off’ and other stuff like that.  Spoke to her afterwards, she was telling me about herself; she has the most amazing life story; apparently she’s started writing an autobiography, must ask if I can read it so far.  Morgan’s Tavern is where we will be filming the interior of “Neptune’s”, the cabaret/karaoke bar in the show.  Still haven’t had time to check out the gym but have been very careful about what I eat; mainly swordfish and salad.  Apparently it’s not air conditioned (the gym) so is extremely hot; may have to find an alternative.