Derren Litten

David Blaine began his new stunt today. He's going to be in a human goldfish bowl for a week. I'm actually a fan of David Blaine, I think he's the world's greatest living showman and the most incredible self-publicist since P.T.Barnum; oh no, hang on, I think Houdini was after Barnum, anyway, you know what I mean; even if you think Blaine is a twat, you've heard of him, you know what he does and he provokes some kind of reaction. I remember going to see Mr Blaine in his little Perspex box hanging from a crane near the Thames in 2003; two people were having an argument on if the stunt was impressive or not. One said Blaine was a fake because he was supposed to have nothing but water to keep him alive during the 44 days but he had read that they had been putting sugar in his water. Well, the fat, greedy-eyed bastard. We had been assured he was wasting away in that little plastic box for our own personal entertainment, being driven insane by the wafts of double cheese burgers and freshly fried doughnuts being sold underneath him and all the time he was having midnight feasts on gallons of sugary water. Some people just have no will power. I'm surprised they didn't have to roll him out of the box on the last day. I say good luck to David Blaine in living in his fish tank for seven days and with his stunt at the end of it where he's going to try and hold his breath for more than nine minutes. Not that impressive that last bit… when Charlie my dog let's one rip sitting on the sofa next to me I've been known to hold my breath from Coronation Street 'til News at Ten.