Wednesday, 26 July 2006
OK, here's
a first, I am writing this blog at 3am after drinking
a lot of gin and some tonic. I like writing this blog
but sometimes I feel I cant write about the more interesting
things that happen ... because they might be a bit too
intersesting.. or "contreversial"... sorry
for the spelling mistakes, I usually write this in "Word"
then cut and paste it but I cant be arsed tonight. So...
the one thing that I was dying to write about was one
of the casting sessions the other day when an indian
actor came to the casting session and went a bit odd
when asked what he had been "up to lately"
(a standard question at castings to break the ice and
start the conversation). He did a big number with his
head in his hands and said, "oh god, i just dont
know"... Me being a rather nice chap (and not the
dreadful cunt my blog would lead you to believe) helped
him out by saying, "well it IS very hot"..
he snapped back at me saying, "it's nothing to
do with the heat, my wife is pregnant". We all
ooohed and aaaahed and said, "gosh, what time's
it due", "should you be here?!" etc and
all that jazz. Anyway, he then told us his wife was
due in 6 months time. At this point my sympathy for
this annoying cock sucker began to ebb. But being the
sporting chap I am we plowed on. "So, the part
you are here for is'Troy'..." The director said
trying to break the pregnant pause (more fucking pregnant
than his wife, thats for sure)... "No, no, I'm
not here to read for Troy" the actor said... "I
spoke to my agent this morning, I said I didnt want
to read for Troy". Cue some looking at lists and
shuffling of papers by all present then eventually someone
said, "you're down to read for Troy"... Our
actor bit back..."When I look at a role I look
for something either interesting/amusing or exciting..
Troy is none of those, it's a really badly written badly
written character, I'm not interested in reeading for
'Troy'". PAUSE... "I told my agent I would
read for 'Mateo' " Oh right... and did your agent
tell you that 'Mateo' is a Spanish Waiter? I wanted
to say... but of course I didn't... I just left the
room. Which I think was a pretty big staement in itself
if you ask me (which you didn't). The thing is, I can
see this from both points of view as I am an actor as
well as a writer. But can I first of all say (to any
budding actors reading), don't say any of the characters
are rubbish or the writing is crap when the writer is
in the same room... No worries if you can't help yourself,
the writer wont stay in the same room for long if you
do say that (that's asssuming the writer is me). Also,
if you are very obviously Indian DONT INSIST ON READING
FOR THE PART OF THE SPANISH BARMAN... You WON'T get
the fucking job. Not because you cant act, but because
you dont look Spanish... and you have annoyed the writer.
In fact, I'd rather give the part of the Spanish bar
man to a chinese actor before I give it to an Indian
actor who thinks my script is shite.... Anyway, to cut
a long story short (too late) the actor in question
did read the part after I left the room room and was
apparently very good.yeah.. a lot of fucking good that
did him.... O h dear, i've just read all that and apart
from not making much sense I sound like a dreadful showbiz
tyrant.... HOOORAY!
