GP: Well that's your medical; do you
want me to examine your testicles as well?
Me: Erm.... I.. I think I'm probably
all right actually.
GP: You may as well, it's free.
Me: Riiiight. Erm... Do you think it's
necessary?
GP: When did you last have your testicles
examined?
At this point I was desperate to
ask how he would define the word "examined"
but I managed to hold my tongue.
Me: Eeeerm... I don't think I ever have.
GP: Well it's up to you but I haven't
got all day.
Me: OK, well I suppose so...erm.. thanks.
GP: OK, I'd like you to sit up on the
bed and pull down your trousers and your pants to your
knees and lift up your penis.
Me: You could at least buy me a drink
first.
Nothing... not even a titter.
So after getting away this time without
even the offer of any extra curricular ball juggling
I drove off at high speed (in case he was following
me) to my lovely gym/health club in Muswell Hill for
this 'ear candling' thing. Basically a strange old Italian
man who looked a bit like Tony Bennett shoved hollow
burning candles into my ears, extinguished them then
cut them open to reveal an unfeasible amount of "earwax"
which had supposedly travelled out of my head and half
way up the tube. If the stuff WAS ear wax then I'm not
sure how I've heard anything for the last few years;
if it WASN'T ear wax then old Lorenzo has done a runner
with me £50 after doing nothing more than burning
two candles shoved in my lug holes. And the old git
didn't even sing happy birthday to me.
