Series 5, Jackie and Joan…

Well, what with all the kerfuffle in the press about series 5, Jackie and Joan Collins, I thought I should probably write a little blog to keep you up to date.  So, basically, yes, I said series 4 would be “the end of my Benidorm journey” (how camp??!) but that was well before the end of series 4 transmission (in fact it may have been at the beginning, I can’t remember).  I thought we had made a very good show but I genuinely thought fans would watch and think, “that’s a nice end to the Benidorm series”.  In fact I’m being modest, I thought I had written the best series yet and that, for me, was a reason to stop; to go out on a high.  I had no idea the public reaction would be so incredible and it became clear to me by the transmission of episode 5 that viewers wanted more.  So it was a combination of two things, ITV & Tiger Aspect were extremely keen on me being involved in a 5th series and  I just couldn’t say goodbye to these bizarre characters I created.

A lot of press have reported that the only reason I came back to be involved in another series of Benidorm was because of the possible involvement of Joan Collins.  After receiving a tweet from Jackie Collins suggesting her sister Joan Collins should be in the show I did reply saying “Joan Collins in Benidorm??!! I ain’t gonna let anyone else write that. Looks like I’m coming back”.  Why did I write that when I had already agreed my contract weeks before?  Well, apart from being giddy as a kipper (as my Nana used to say) that Jackie Collins tweeted me saying she & her sister love the show, I also knew it would be a funny & camp way of announcing my return.  As many of you know, I don’t court publicity for myself as an individual particularly (I do the odd radio interview for friends but have never accepted requests for TV interviews and I’ve only ever done one newspaper interview in 4 series of Benidorm – and that was never published) but writing tv shows is now the main bulk of my living so I do need to promote my business. Also, it goes without saying that Jackie’s new book just happens to be out this week, now that lady IS a publicity genius!

Has Joan Collins signed a contract to appear in Benidorm?  Of course not.  The scripts aren’t even written yet.  Would we like her to be in it?  Definitely! What many people tend to forget is Joan is a brilliant comedy actress.  But filming is a long way off and who knows what will happen between now and then.

As for me, I’m overjoyed to be back making up crazy stories for the Garveys et al.  I won’t write every episode this series but I’ll be there throughout the series to lend a hand, assisting our brilliant team including new writers, directors and my producer Ben Cavey and Exec Producer Sophie Clarke-Jervoise.  I reckon we’ll make Benidorm for as long as the fans of the show continue to love it.  The great thing is we are critic-proof, I’m told we have never had a good review in the press but I think it’s logical to take notice of 6 million viewers of the show rather than one lonely, embittered hack who is furious about their own failed career.

The people have spoken!  We are coming back! You should have known, what have I always said?… “this is just adios and not goodbye”.

P.S.

Thanks for all your messages of support via twitter what with a 5th series of Benidorm, a book and a new tv comedy I have a lot to get on with but I try to reply to as many messages as I can.

One Man Went To Blog

Derren found having one ear higher than the other a boon when filming.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry….  I KNOW I said this was gonna be a weekly blog, what can I say?  I’ve just been too damn busy.  And before you say it, no, not busy getting drunk but doing actual work.  I know, I was surprised too.

So what can I tell you about the last couple of months?  Well I certainly know what I CAN’T tell you (and there’s been QUITE a lot of that) but don’t worry, it will all go into the book.  (In case you haven’t heard me tweet about my book it is gonna be called The Benidorm Diaries – working title – and I’m gonna spill all the dirt about ALL the mad, crazy, embarrassing, hilarious, sad, unbelievable and outrageous things that have happened while writing and filming this series.   I’ve written bits and pieces already but I won’t write the full thing until the show ends.  It will be pretty full on and I imagine not everyone will be happy about it but I reckon if a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing properly; you all know me by now!).

So, the most memorable thing that happened in the last few weeks was our traditional Sparks BBQ.  Every year the Spanish electricians from the crew put on an amazing BBQ, this year they really excelled themselves, the grounds of the production office looked incredible, all decked out in halloween set dressing complete with cobwebs, pumpkins, ghosts and clock work crawling spiders! The food was delicious, the sangria strong and the firework display at the end was awesome.  How these guys work a 12-13 hour day (and I mean REAL work, not sitting on their arses watching a monitor all day like me) then have the time to organise and put on all this is beyond me.  After the BBQ we screened the Benidorm Xmas Special on a big projector.  I’m not being immodest when I write this (because the show is not just my script, it’s EVERYONE pulling together, cast, crew, production, etc) but it was amazing.  I think this is the best episode of Benidorm we’ve ever made.  It’s very hard to tell and you may disagree when you see it but I doubt you’ll see anything as funny, entertaining, moving and CHRISTMASSY this holiday period.  Everyone did a great job and I’m so proud of them.

During the editing process of the Special the director, producer, myself and several other people have to view the show.  Because we were still in Benidorm and the show was being edited in the UK we have to either download episode parts or get the office to download it from an ftp site (no, I don’t rally know what that means either) and transfer it onto our laptop via a usb memory stick (this is starting to sound like an episode of Star Trek).  Well, I don’t know how much of this I’m allowed to tell you about this but a few weeks ago Tiger Aspect were informed that someone had obtained a copy of the Benidorm Christmas Special and they wanted money for it’s safe return.  I’ve heard of people being held to ransom but TV shows?  When this person was asked how they obtained the show they said they “found a USB stick with it on”.  ”We watched it, Su Pollard is in it”, they declared, as if this was cast iron proof they had the show.  The news of Su being in town had been in every newspaper in Benidorm plus she’d been on several TV shows in the UK talking about her appearance so that proved nothing.  But we had to take the threat seriously, not  only did we not want copies of the show on the internet the version of the show (if they had it) was nowhere near the final cut, we didn’t want the show not only being ruined but also being shown in an unfinished state.  Now as I say, I don’t think I’m allowed to go into details about this but an amount of money was agreed, a meeting was set up and a member of the production team and myself sat waiting for the call to tell us where the exchange was to take place.  We waited… and waited… and then….   Actually I think I’m gonna save this for my book; it’s too good to waste here!

So, the weeks roll on and more and more hilarious and brilliant guest stars come to this crazy town to visit us and appear in the show.  Banarama were here last week and as you’ll know if you follow @BenidormTweets on Twitter, they were fantastic.  I think there’s is my favourite episode of the 4th series.  Although in saying that we haven’t finished yet, we’ve still got another 3 weeks to go.  Speaking (or typing) of which I’d better go and rewrite a of joke for next week, this happens very rarely but the ITV lawyers have disallowed a Michael Jackson joke so I have to think of another one.  Oh well, it will all go in the book…

Geoffrey Hutchings

It is with incredible sadness that I share the news of the passing of our dear friend Geoffrey Hutchings.  He was the most talented actor I have ever worked with and a hugely popular memeber of the Benidorm cast.  I saw Geoff and his wife Andi only a couple of weeks ago at the screening of his latest TV series ‘Grandma’s House’, he was on top form and we all shared a lovely evening.  It still hasn’t quite sunk in that we won’t see him again.

All of the Benidorm cast send Andi our heartfelt love.

This is just adios and not goodbye.  x

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment_and_arts/10494592.stm

Update :

Just a short blog today.  I wanted to thank everyone for their very kind messages of sympathy regarding the untimely passing of our dear friend and cast member of Benidorm, Geoffrey Hutchings.  It still feels surreal that we won’t see Geoff at the read through, or see him on our screens any longer.  Sadly I can’t reply to everyone and those who sent their messages via formspring, I’m sorry I deleted your messages but I did read them all, it seemed a little odd and repetitive to have a string of answers saying the same thing.

A question I can answer here was “will you keep the character of Mel and re-cast with a different actor?”.   No, Geoff was a one off, we could never replace him and we wouldn’t want to try.

May the 4th (Series) Go With You

So yes,  it’s true Benidorm has re-commissioned for an unstoppable 4th series (OK, maybe not unstoppable, it’s gonna stop at some point but not just yet).  And to add to the sun drenched Costa Blanca Bonanza of it all (why am I writing like this?  I haven’t read The Sun since they told us Sid Vicious was dead, or as my friend Siobhan’s Mum said “isn’t it terrible about that Sid Vigorous”)  we’re also giving you a one off Christmas Special as well.

So that’s  a Christmas at The Solana for 2010 (which we’ll be filming in the middle of Summer!) and a 6 part 1hr series for 2011.

Thank you so much for all your support, over the last 3 series, switching from half hour format to the full hour (inc ad breaks of course) was a decision that wasn’t made lightly, it was potentially a big risk but you all seemed to stick with it and the reaction has been amazing (and the DVD sales weren’t bad either!).

Series 4 is going to be slightly different, we’ll be meeting some NEW characters and we’ll be losing 3 or 4 of our regular cast.  All in the effort to move the show on a bit and keep your interest.

Also a quick word about my Twitter page, I’ve capped my followers at 3,000.  This is because I like to reply to as many supporters as possible and 3,000 seems a managable number (also it’s more fun for my lovely Beni-fans to belong to an EXCLUSIVE club!!!).   My Twitter account is locked which means I can control how many followers I accept, you can still ask to follow me and you’ll go in the queue.   At this moment of writing I have around 90 people in the follow-queue but don’t worry, I manage to offend at least 10 or 15 people a week so you won’t be waiting that long.

Right, I’d better go, I have seven hour long episodes of Benidorm to write before the Summer plus a NEW comedy series I’ve been commissioned to write (which I’ll tell you a bit of later in the year).  Shit a brick, that sounds impossible; oh well, from now on all I can do is put in as many man-hours  as I can (Ricky Martin – 2010) 

Everyone's A Critic

I’ve just moved some pictures around in my office to make space to hang something new.  One of the frames I’ve moved onto a different wall is a copy of a BBC memo given to me by my late friend and producer Geoffrey Perkins.  Geoffrey was an amazing man and if you don’t know who he was I suggest you do a google search and see how someone managed to pack five lifetimes into 55 short years.  So one day Geoffrey and I were in his office, he’d just returned after retrieving my latest script of Benidorm from the printer in the main part of Tiger Aspect when and I commented on the copy of a BBC memo which hung on his wall.

“It’s a bit of a risk leaving me alone in your office, I always try and nick that memo off your wall but my coat is never big enough”, I joshed.

“Take it”, said Geoffrey

“No, don’t be silly, I was only joking” I backtracked.

“Honestly, I want you to have it, I don’t need it, I’ve got the original there”.

And there sure enough, slightly further along the wall was the original BBC memo, very well preserved but slightly askew, having been shoved into a 99p clip frame.

The missive in question wasn’t just any internal BBC memo from 1974 but one which, if it had been acted upon (by cancelling the series), would have changed the face of British television comedy history.  The series in question was called, “Fawlty Towers”.   Here it is in close up so you can see exactly what it says.  And hopefully the next time someone is critical about yourself or your work, remember, it’s just one person’s opinion.  And they ain’t necessarily right…