FAQ off..

I’ve had a lot of questions recently via email, Twitter Direct Message, carrier pigeon etc… Most of them are one of a few questions I get asked a lot.  I thought I’d put the answers to those questions here so they can be found in one place.

How do I get my script on television?

This is a tricky one, if I’m supposed to answer from my own experience I’d have to say wait until your best friend at drama school is offered her own tv show and she will ask you to write for it.  As this won’t suit everyone I would say think what kind of script you have (if you’re asking me this question I assume you’ve written a comedy script) and then send it to a television production company.

Will you read my script?

No, I’m a writer, not a reader.  But seriously, I get asked this all the time and I’m afraid I have to say no; I don’t have time to read all the scripts people want to send me.  Anyway, I’m not the right person for you to give it to.  You need to send it to a television producer who might want to make it.

Who should I send my script to?

Think of your favourite tv shows, watch an episode (or fast forward to the end if you’re impatient) and the end credits will tell you who makes that programme.  Send your script to them, or at least a treatment/synopsis of what your intended show is about.  Or you could send your script directly to the BBC, check out http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/

You co-wrote The Catherine Tate Show, is it easier to write with another person or alone?

I’ve never written anything with anyone else; everything I wrote for The Catherine Tate Show was written just by me.

How did you get the idea for Benidorm?

I started with a sketch about middle aged swingers.  The sketch was set in a suburban living room, I thought this was a bit boring so I set it around a swimming pool on holiday.  Then I imagined who else might be sitting around the pool.  I wrote two episodes of the show before I actually visited Benidorm.

Can I be an extra/Supporting Artist in Benidorm?

When we shoot Benidorm we are on location there for 3-4months.  During that time some days we needs extras, some days we don’t.  Extras have to be Benidorm residents as we may need to reshoot a scene we filmed 2 months ago; difficult to do if the people in the background we need to match have finished their holiday and are back in the UK.  Most of the time extras are called up the night before to see if they are available and sometimes canceled the night before.  We have built up a network of local people in Benidorm that work as extras over the last 3 series who are now used to the conditions…  They get up about 6am, start before everyone else and finish after everyone else, they are the last to eat at lunchtime and get paid very little.  Am I making this sound too glamorous?

Will there be a 5th series of Benidorm?

http://derrenlitten.blog.com/2011/02/21/competition-time-3/

Can you confirm or deny a certain actor/celebrity is going to appear in Benidorm?

No.

How can I write to/obtain an autograph of a Benidorm actor?

http://www.spotlight.com/ Enter the performer’s name in the “search” field in the top right hand of the page.

I Don’t Mean To Offend But…

Jimmy Carr has recently apologised for any offence he may have caused after a joke of his about UK servicemen hit the headlines.  As I’ve mentioned before in this blog, we receive a small number of complaints during and after each series of Benidorm.  Although I don’t like to think  I offend anyone with the tv shows I write I think it’s kind of unavoidable.  The kind of things that make me laugh most are usually things that society tells me I shouldn’t be laughing at.  In series 1 there was a conversation between 2 characters about one confusing M.S. for M.E. (or was it the other way around?…); anyway, we had a fair number of complaints about that scene, mainly because of the line from the character Janice saying “M.E., M.S., it’s all  lazy buggers cracking on there’s something wrong with them int it?”.  For me, the humour in that comes from the character trying to make ‘friendly’ small talk and failing miserably by being hugely offensive. Interestingly  I also got an email from an old friend of mine Wayne Dobson ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayne_Dobson ) who said he wept with laughter at that scene and yes, you guessed it, Wayne suffers from M.S. Of course you can’t please all of the people all of the time; I’ve recently got two emails from fans of the show asking why I have ‘toned down’ the characters Donald and Jacqueline.  Well, I haven’t.  Not knowingly anyway.  I think the difference is in the first series viewers didn’t know the characters and it was a bit of a shock to hear two, not conventionally attractive, middle aged characters talking very openly about sex.  In episode 2 they corner Martin and  reveal Jacqueline has always had a crush on him and how Donald could be “very passive with the right, sensitive kind of man”, I don’t think that is ‘toning them down’; I think it’s one of the most terrifying, sinister parts of series 3!

We were told at the beginning of shooting for series 3 that under no circumstances were we allowed the word ‘fuck’ or phrase ‘fucking hell’.  This obviously came hot on the heels of the Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross controversy and upset me greatly.  As Billy Connolly quite rightly says, “people complain about me swearing, what they fail to mention is I do it very well”.  I’m not that good at blowing my own trumpet, let’s face it, if I was I’d never leave the house (© Bob Monkhouse circa 1976) but I do think the swearing in Benidorm is used sparingly and well.  I self censor a lot when writing 2nd and 3rd drafts and some swearing falls by the wayside but every now and again substitutes just don’t ring true (or funny). If you’ve been watching this series of Benidorm then you’ll realise ITV did relax a little (as the Ross/Brand furor began to die down) they let me use the language I felt was right for the show and everyone was happy.  Except for the few moaning tossers that are still complaining of course…

Olé!

Last night saw the penultimate episode of Benidorm transmitted on ITV1.  I don’t read reviews but I am concerned what the viewers think and reckon feedback is really important; I love seeing what people did or didn’t like in an episode but as far as critics are concerned, what is the point of reading just one person’s opinion?  Surely it’s better to read a hundred and see what the average reaction is.  So I typed ‘Benidorm’ into twitter and hit search.  So from reading well over a hundred (probably a lot more than that, I lost count) reactions from last nights episode I think there is one conclusion which as creator, writer and associate producer of the show I cannot ignore, Jake Canuso needs to publish his own calendar for 2010!  Who’d have thought someone stamping their feet with their shirt off would cause such a reaction?  So next Friday sees the final episode of series 3 of Benidorm, who’d have thought six weeks would have flown by so quickly?  Thanks to all those who have emailed, written, texted and Twittered me to ask if ITV have commissioned another series.  The pessimistic answer to that question would be “no’, the optimistic answer, “not yet”.  All I can say with confidence (in these financially uncertain times) is that far as this show and these characters are concerned, as in the words of the old Al Martino song ‘Spanish Eyes’, “This is just adiós and not goodbye….”

Jake Canuso as Mateo in Episode 5 of Benidorm

One Foot in The Gravey

So next year I will be forty. Yes, I know what most of you will be thinking, “So Darren, where did you get this time machine?”. Well first of all my name is not Darren, it’s Derren and secondly, how fucking rude, I hardly know you. Actually that brings me onto something else, one of the things I’m slightly annoyed about is the recent trend on Twitter for people I have never met, never spoken to, being jaw droppingly rude to me. It’s almost certainly because I write comedy that people seem to think it’s fine to say things they would never say to Steven Poliarkov or Stephen Moffat because they make their living telling largely serious stories and not overtly funny ones. Imagine if someone came up to you in the street while you were having a conversation and said, “now then fatty, you’re looking old aren’t you?”. Yes, like you I would walk away. And Leave him. Lying there.   Now, back to the point, despite my physical decrepitude I am, in fact, only 39 at the time of writing this and I’m not sure what one is supposed to do. Does one have a party and celebrate ones age? Or maybe start lying about it and try and disguise it (bit late for that). I actually think life will begin at 50 for me; for acting anyway. My acting career seems to have fallen by the way side as my writing takes up more of my time but hopefully, in the not too dstant future I’ll be able to combine the two. Or if the writing goes tits up I can hopefully start picking up the work Roy Barraclough can no longer undertake. So what are you gonna do when you’re 40? What DID you do when you were 40? Log onto Twitter and let me know. Oh, but don’t bother tellling me I look like crap, you know the reply you’ll get.    

Benidorm 4?

A lot of people have been asking me lately if there will be another series of Benidorm. Well, the official answer at the moment is ITV have not yet recommissioned the show. That’s not to say that they won’t and this series of Benidorm (Episode 5 this Friday, 9pm ITV1) really couldn’t have gone any better. As far it goes with me writing another series I have answered this question in all manner of ways (and all manner of answers) via email, twitter, in person etc. My serious answer to this question is I will keep writing this series as long as I’m asked. I absolutely love the people I work with on Benidorm and I love working on location in Benidorm; it’s the dream job and I won’t be giving that up voluntarily.
I also want to mention that I’m amazed (and overjoyed) at the reaction to series 3. Even people I know who have been slightly non committal about the the series in the past (something I had always interpreted a a dislike for the series) have raved about this ‘season’ (as the Americans would say). Even when the compliments are hilariously veiled (“well done, you’ve finally got it right”) it still makes me happy that my late friend and producer Geoffrey Perkins made the right decision about the new, longer format of the show. Even though Geoffrey never got to see an ‘hour’ long episode of the show it was him that convinced me it would work. And, like most times, (sometimes annoyingly) he was absolutely right. Some people argued that the first series had no “heart” and viewers didn’t really get to know the characters. I would disagree with this. I admit having 15 main characters in a show which lasted 22min 40secs was a little ambitious but I wanted to give the impression of people all of us meet on holiday. Do we really get to know those characters in 7 days or even two weeks? I think we got other things wrong in the first series, i wasn’t really happy with the overall ‘look’ of the show, it seemed a bit dark and grimy to me (something I have never suggested Benidorm is and the complete opposite of what I wanted); this was mainly down to the direction but we fixed that problem by series 2. Also being made associate producer of the show from series 2 onward gives me a much bigger say in the other decisions regarding the show, not just the script.
How on earth did I get onto this?? Anyway, I just wanted to say how overjoyed I am at the reaction to this third series of Benidorm. I love getting your feedback so don’t forget you can always leave your comments on this blog or contact me via Twitter or email. I don’t take this life I have for granted, it all kind of happened by mistake, I never imagined I would have a career as a writer (or tried to pursue one); a friend from drama school asked me to write for her Edinburgh Festival show, that was a success and led to a television show. After that somebody else asked me to write for their tv show (John Sullivan) and then more people asked after that. I hope people keep asking me to write tv shows and that includes Benidorm 4 and beyond. If they stop asking me then I’ll go back to acting because as as writer I’m a bloody good actor and as an actor I’m a bloody good magician!

Another day another complaint...

I shouldn’t moan. With between 6 and 7 million viewers per episode a few complaints are inevitable. You can’t please all of the people all of the time, somebody once said. Possibly Josef Fritzl, I can’t remember. Anyway, one of my favourite complaints of late is as follows (including response and subsequent reply). Enjoy.
—–Original Message—–
From: XXXXX XXXX [mailto:xxxxxxxxxx@btinternet.com]
Sent: 03 October 2009 14:07
To: ITV Viewer Services
Cc:
Subject: Benidorm
I wish to register a complaint about the disgusting choice of language
used in last nights Benidorm show. I’m not referring to general
swearing as that’s a given these days on television unfortunately, but
what in my opinion was completely unacceptable was the reference to
Retard and Spakka. I which to register a formal complaint and the
process required to bring this to the attention of your regulator.
I look forward to your response within the next 7 days.
Regards
Xxxxx Xxxx
Dear Mr Xxxx
Following your email received here in Viewer Services, we have obtained the following response from the Producer of the series:-
We are sorry that you found the language offensive in episode one of series three of Benidorm.
We’ve worked hard to minimise the amount of bad language used in the third series of Benidorm but we do have to be truthful to our characters and the language we believe they would use. We feel that the use of the words ‘retard’ and ‘spakka’ are consistent with the character of Brandy and the type of comment she would make.
But again we are sorry for any offence caused. Our aim with the series is purely to amuse the audience and certainly no offence was intended.
I hope the above clarifies the situation and thank you for taking the time to contact us here at ITV.
Regards
XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX
Reply:
From: Xxxx Xxxx
[mailto: xxxxxxxxx@btinternet.com]
Sent: 20 October 2009 21:22
To: Xxxxxxx, Xxxxxx
Subject: Re: Benidorm
Thank you for the response which I appreciate. Despite my comments its still a great series / programme and the classic line of the “Doves” last week with Mel was fantastic.
Regards
Xxxxx Xxxx

Happy New Blog Day!

Well, I’ve started a blog again. Who knows how long it will last and who knows if anyone will read it. Selfishly it’s mainly for me, just to get me writing in the morning (well, afternoon today) so I can pay my mortgage and feed my children. (OK, that last bit was a lie, I don’t bother feeding my children).

So, it’s been a busy few weeks with the new series of Benidorm starting and (pardon my modesty) it being a huge big wooly-hat of a hit. (A director, Glenn Woolford at Central School of Speech and Drama always used to say that, “we need a great big wooly-hat of a scene to start this play” etc.. mad bitch). The feedback has been amazing and the episode I was dreading most, episode 4 (because it has much more storyline and less jokes then the other preceding episodes) has proved hugely successful, with just about everybody saying it is their favourite ep so far.

So with the 3rd series DVD being released on Monday 9th November, AND the new Benidorm collection Box Set available on the same day it’s gonna be an exciting end to the series and, for me, a very cheap Christmas.