May the 4th (Series) Go With You

So yes,  it’s true Benidorm has re-commissioned for an unstoppable 4th series (OK, maybe not unstoppable, it’s gonna stop at some point but not just yet).  And to add to the sun drenched Costa Blanca Bonanza of it all (why am I writing like this?  I haven’t read The Sun since they told us Sid Vicious was dead, or as my friend Siobhan’s Mum said “isn’t it terrible about that Sid Vigorous”)  we’re also giving you a one off Christmas Special as well.

So that’s  a Christmas at The Solana for 2010 (which we’ll be filming in the middle of Summer!) and a 6 part 1hr series for 2011.

Thank you so much for all your support, over the last 3 series, switching from half hour format to the full hour (inc ad breaks of course) was a decision that wasn’t made lightly, it was potentially a big risk but you all seemed to stick with it and the reaction has been amazing (and the DVD sales weren’t bad either!).

Series 4 is going to be slightly different, we’ll be meeting some NEW characters and we’ll be losing 3 or 4 of our regular cast.  All in the effort to move the show on a bit and keep your interest.

Also a quick word about my Twitter page, I’ve capped my followers at 3,000.  This is because I like to reply to as many supporters as possible and 3,000 seems a managable number (also it’s more fun for my lovely Beni-fans to belong to an EXCLUSIVE club!!!).   My Twitter account is locked which means I can control how many followers I accept, you can still ask to follow me and you’ll go in the queue.   At this moment of writing I have around 90 people in the follow-queue but don’t worry, I manage to offend at least 10 or 15 people a week so you won’t be waiting that long.

Right, I’d better go, I have seven hour long episodes of Benidorm to write before the Summer plus a NEW comedy series I’ve been commissioned to write (which I’ll tell you a bit of later in the year).  Shit a brick, that sounds impossible; oh well, from now on all I can do is put in as many man-hours  as I can (Ricky Martin – 2010) 

Competition Time!

Benidorm DVD Box Set

To celebrate Benidorm being nominated for Best Comedy at The National Television Awards here is a competition to win a box set of Benidorm DVDs.

So for this LAST chance to win a complete Benidorm set of DVDs (series 1, series 2, Summer Special and series 3) just answer the following question:

Q: What is Derren Litten’s all time favourite film?

One entry per person, email your answer to derrenweb@gmail.com

IMPORTANT:  the subject of your email must read BENIDORM DVD COMPETITION

If t doesn’t them I’m afraid your entry will not count.  Competition closes 12pm on the day of The National Television Awards Wednesday 20th January 2010.

Good Luck!

There is STILL time to vote for Benidorm as Best Comedy for The National Television Awards!

National Television Awards

Clue: http://twitter.com/DerrenLitten

20th Jan 2010

The answer was The Sting.

Congratulations to winner Susan Jackson  a DVD Box Set of Benidorm on it’s way to you.

Everyone's A Critic

I’ve just moved some pictures around in my office to make space to hang something new.  One of the frames I’ve moved onto a different wall is a copy of a BBC memo given to me by my late friend and producer Geoffrey Perkins.  Geoffrey was an amazing man and if you don’t know who he was I suggest you do a google search and see how someone managed to pack five lifetimes into 55 short years.  So one day Geoffrey and I were in his office, he’d just returned after retrieving my latest script of Benidorm from the printer in the main part of Tiger Aspect when and I commented on the copy of a BBC memo which hung on his wall.

“It’s a bit of a risk leaving me alone in your office, I always try and nick that memo off your wall but my coat is never big enough”, I joshed.

“Take it”, said Geoffrey

“No, don’t be silly, I was only joking” I backtracked.

“Honestly, I want you to have it, I don’t need it, I’ve got the original there”.

And there sure enough, slightly further along the wall was the original BBC memo, very well preserved but slightly askew, having been shoved into a 99p clip frame.

The missive in question wasn’t just any internal BBC memo from 1974 but one which, if it had been acted upon (by cancelling the series), would have changed the face of British television comedy history.  The series in question was called, “Fawlty Towers”.   Here it is in close up so you can see exactly what it says.  And hopefully the next time someone is critical about yourself or your work, remember, it’s just one person’s opinion.  And they ain’t necessarily right…

A Great Photo Shoot – And I Am Unanimous in That!

Mr Grainger (Derren Litten) & Mr Rumbold (Nicholas Smith)

It’s not every day you can say you stood on the floor of  Grace Brothers Department store with Miss Brahms, Mr Rumbold, Mr Lucas, young Mr Grace (and his nurses), Captain Peacock, Mr Humphries and the legendary Mrs Slocombe.  Actually I can’t say that either, Mr Humphries  and Captain Peacock couldn’t make it!  No, I haven’t been  at the free Zammaretto, I was taking part in a photo shoot to promote the Wendy Richard charity clothes sale at Selfridges later this month.

Wendy became a friend after she appeared in series 2 of Benidorm and since her sad passing John, her husband, and I have also remained good friends.  It was from John I got a phone call a few weeks ago to ask if I would play Mr Grainger in an Are You Being Served publicity shot with a couple of the original surviving cast and some of Wendy’s friends.  Being a dedicated, life-long AYBS fan I jumped at the chance and started practising my Mr Grainger rubber lipped grimace immediately.

As I got up at 7am this morning and looked out onto the carpet of snow  beneath I was worried that it might be called off and my chance to appear on the Grace Brothers floor would remain nothing but a childhood fantasy; so close to Mrs Slocombe’s pussy yet so far. But no, a car turned up at 7:30am and I was whisked off to a glamorous, secret location (a photographic studio in Parsons Green) where the infamous department store had been impressively recreated.

The only original cast member able to make it today was Nicholas Smith who had just returned from a 3 week tour of America giving television interviews and generally luxuriating in his  cult status as the fastidious Mr Rumbold. Sadly, Frank Thornton (Captain Peacock) couldn’t make it today but will be seemlessly slotted in as if by magic (OK, Photoshop) at a later date.  The other players in this one off “recreation” were Natalie Cassidy (Miss Brahms), James Alexandrou (Mr Lucas), Fern Britton (Mrs Slocombe), and Wendy’s husband John Burns (Young Mr Grace); oh, and some obscure comedy actor called Derek Lipton (or something like that).  Young Mr Grace was naturally flanked by two very ‘attentive’ nurses played by Fleur Bennet (Grace & Favour) and Niky Wardly (The Catherine Tate Show), again, both good freinds of Wendy.

The whole thing only took a couple of hours, it was short but memorable morning, one I’ll never forget and a real childhood ambition come true. As taxis started to arrive for everyone and John thanked us all for making the shoot possible he left with Lily (he and Wendy’s Cairn terrier) only stopping at the door to turn and congratulate us all in true Are You Being Served fashion, “You’ve all done very well!”

The Selfridges Wendy Richard Charity Sale will take place on Tuesday 19th January at 9:30am – 1pm.

The ‘Grace Brothers’ publicity shot & interviews will appear in The Mail on Sunday.

BB or not BB, Is That The Question?

So it’s the last Celebrity Big Brother.  I can’t say I’m heartbroken.  I don’t think I’ve ever watched a full episode of CBB (or BB for that matter).  Of course I saw Vanessa Feltz doing her best Divine impersonation (sadly no dog poo involved), flipping out in a leopard skin coat and dark glasses, barking at Big Brother to “fuck off” while writing obscenities on a blackboard  and Michael Barrymore putting the final nails into his career coffin but I can’t say I’m a follower or fan of the show or that genre of television.

I think part of it is that the thought of celebrity has always slightly embarrassed me, actually what am I saying?  That’s not true at all.  When I was a kid I always assumed I would be famous one day and even at drama school I used to tell Catherine Tate I was baffled when I didn’t cause a sensation by walking onto a busy tube train.  Of course now it’s Catherine that would cause a sensation on a train and the relief of nobody knowing who I am (apart from an extremely small minority) is, for me, palpable.  I’m not sure what changed my attitude towards fame from presumption to abhorrence but I certainly know any feelings of revulsion as far as celebrity goes is increased tenfold by the shameless and almost inconceivable self promotion of the Celebrity Big Brother housemates.  The other thing about Big Brother is I don’t actually find it entertaining.  The bits I’ve ever watched  (celebrity or otherwise) have been either excruciatingly embarrassing or just boring.  But you can’t please all of the people all of the time and I know there is an audience for this show (or rather there was, this being the last series) and I don’t think any less of those who enjoy the show.  While on location one evening, filming for The Catherine Tate Show, I remember Una Stubbs turning to me between takes and asking me if I could find out who had been thrown out of the Big Brother House.  You see, you never know, “they walk among us” as a friend of mine used to say.

I went to see the brilliant Boy George in concert just before Christmas and I think I’ll leave the last wise words to him.  He had just found out that morning (astonishingly, by reading it on Twitter!) that the court had decided he was not allowed to participate in the last celebrity Big Brother as it would breach the conditions of his bail. “I was quite pleased when I made some phone calls and it was confirmed I couldn’t go into the Big Brother House,  after all, I’ve spent the last 48 years trying to avoid reality…”

Too Commercial?

There is an article in this Christmas edition of the Radio Times about Catherine Tate with a rather curious mention of me.  “…Catherine was trying to make it as a serious actress, not a comedian, and worrying if that would ever be enough to pay the bills. There was great excitement, I recall, when her friend Derren Litten (now the successful writer of Benidorm) landed a lucrative two-day job on a Quavers commercial”.  I don’t remember the writer of this article (Kathryn Knight) who says she was a flat mate of Catherine but I do remember the Quavers commercial.  We shot eight adverts in two days in the (then) empty Pearl Assurance building in Holborn.  It’s true those commercials were very lucrative, I got paid £52,500 for two days work for the commercials to be played over two years (£25,000 for the first year then the same for the next year with a 10% increase).  I know that seems like a lot of money for 2 days work (and indeed it is) but when you are a fairly unknown actor (as thankfully I still seem to be) you’re risking quite a lot doing tv commercials, the exposure isn’t always a guarantee to further television work; sometimes quite the opposite.  As I remember it I’d not been out of drama that long (maybe a few months) and had struggled with my artistic conscience whether or not to accept a job offered to me from one of the tutors.  I was asked if I wanted to do a 4-month tour of Italian school doing Waiting For Godot. Three actors and a transit van driving across Europe to bring Becket to the (I suspect) unruly and ungrateful children of Italy.  Actually that’s slightly unfair, they may have been the most grateful, enthusiastic audiences I’d ever play to. Thankfully I’ll never know. When I turned down the job the director/tutor said to me, “You’re a very good actor Derren, I just hope you don’t waste your talent playing the kooky neighbour in television sitcoms”. (Well I haven’t yet but there’s still time).

Anyway, I’m not here to boast, the Quavers money didn’t last very long, I was a northern boy in my early twenties living the life of a louche, insouciant thespian; how long as £25K gonna last over a year when most of my friends were on the dole?  I am here comment on how things have changed.  The halcyon days of milk and honey when even unknown actors could earn big bucks for TV commercials is long, long gone.  Yes, big names can (and do) easily still command six figure sums for embarrassing themselves in the name of Argos or British Telecom but no-name actors such as myself are now being offered so little money for prostituting their talent it’s become depressing.  A few weeks ago I was asked if I wanted to audition for a ‘cash for gold’ TV commercial.  Now I’ve seen a few of these Cash For Gold commercials and it’s obvious the production values are slightly less than what I spend on my average lunch but I wasn’t quite prepared for the ‘talent’ budget. For the indignity of flying in through a window, dressed in figure hugging spandex (not a good look for me.. a funny one but not ‘good’) as superhero ‘Captain Gold’, poised to relieve two penniless old biddies sifting through their jewellery I was to be offered £1,000.  One thousand pounds minus expenses, agents commission and (from April) 50% tax.  This was for the ad to used for 2 years.  I make that £500 (minus commission and tax) for the pleasure of kids in the street laughing at you and calling you a c**t  per 52 weeks of the year.

Of course I’m not saying all TV commercials for nonentities are this poorly paid but with less and less work available and more and more actors out of work it’s a disgrace advertisers have the audacity to offer this kind of money. Now, if I’d not pissed my Quavers money up the wall and had invested it in gold I’d be laughing all the way to the bank.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like A Sitcom?

I recently was a guest at a Royal Television Society ‘Futures’ talk.  The subject was ‘How To Get Ahead in Comedy’.  I’m not sure how much use/interest my involvement was but something I did say was I never wrote ‘story outlines’ for series 2 of Benidorm.  This was totally untrue, I actually meant I didn’t write outlines for series 1 (and it probably showed) but I thought it might be of interest to some how an outline of a tv show can look.  I’m saying this purely because I haven’t blogged for a while and I thought cutting and pasting the story outline for episode 2 series 2 (which I just came across while looking for something else on my computer) would be an easy thing to post (and wouldn’t take me much time; lazy sod that I am).

So here it is.  I’m not saying this is how it’s supposed to be done, I just think it might be vaugely interesting to a small minority.  It doesn’t look like much but somehow I wrote a fairly good episode from it (well, one of the better ones in series 2 I think) although as the Beni-fans amongst you will see, this is only the bare bones and other stuff ws added and a couple of bits changed/omitted.

Episode 2

Synopsis / Outline

Mel is feeling rough after his near death experience in the pool.

The Garvey’s are deciding which songs they want to sing on the karaoke that night.  Madge thinks Mel should probably have a night as he is still not feeling on top form but Mel insists he is going to the karaoke; Madge  suggests a cosy night in would be good for both of them (Mick’s stomach turns) but Mel is adamant he is going to sing.

The Oracle comes over to ask how Mel is.  Mel is not happy and totally blames the mishap on The Oracle; they have quite a heated argument.  Janice and Mick are used to arguing but not like this; it looks like it’s going to come to blows when Noreen comes over and drags The Oracle away.

Donald and Jacqueline sit with Gavin and Troy and they catch up with what has been happening with each other since their last holiday.

Janice goes over to The Oracle and Noreen to apologise about Mel; “we don’t really know him to be honest”.  Noreen asks how they are coping with Telle’s baby (not very well) and she offers her baby sitting skills. 

Martin and Kate sit in a secluded part of the hotel and Martin assures Kate he is doing all he can to get them back into the hotel they booked in the first place.  He is guaranteed they will be back there the day after tomorrow.  Kate is not convinced.

Neptunes bar.  Karaoke night.  Troy gets up and sings a song to his partner Gavin.
Mel goes makes some remarks about homosexuals, Madge agrees it’s not natural but then Mel’s rant gets out of hand and all the Garvey’s start to wonder what kind of lunatic Madge has got involved with.

The Oracle and Noreens apartment:  Noreen and The Oracle are going mad looking after Telle’s baby, ‘Coolio’.  The baby is screaming constantly.  The Oracle’s attempts at making faces makes the poor baby cry even more

.

The Oracle comes into Neptunes and says his mother Noreen has asked when Telle is going to collect her baby?  As they argue about this Mel has got up on the karaoke and starts singing in a bizarre falsetto voice.  The argument stops as they look in wonder.

Mel finishes his song then makes an announcement from the stage that after his near death experience it’s made him think life is too short and asks Madge to marry him; there is huge cheering and applause then an awkward moment as Madge doesn’t know what to say.  The seconds feel like hours as the whole of  Neptunes stare at Madge, grinning inanely, waiting for her answer.  Janice and Mick look concerned… Eventually Madge blurts out, “Yes!”… The whole club erupts into wild cheering and Janey Yorke sings “Love Is In The Air”

You see… writing a tv series, it’s easy.  Now why don’t you have a go?  What have you got to lose?