I’ve had a few tweets asking how I write my series Benidorm. I mean, how I actually start writing an episode. Sometimes I think I really wish I knew the answer to that question but let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start according to Dame Julie).
When I was first commissioned to write this series I was given what’s commonly known as a “blank” commission; that is to say I was asked to write a half hour narrative comedy on any subject that I liked with any type of characters I wanted. Well first of all I had to ask what “narrative comedy” meant. I may have earned a living from writing for the past few years (and hopefully will for a few more) but I left school with no formal qualifications and although I can hold my own (oooof) in conversations on most subjects, stuff like grammar and spelling etc have me completely dumbfounded. I’ll often admit to not knowing the difference between a noun and a verb, most of the time people think I’m joking but although I have a love of words it is in the context of making people laugh, the construction of a joke, nothing more. OK, I’ll come clean, I’m pretty sure an adjective is something that describes something rather than an actual thing; so does that mean the thing is the noun? It can’t be as simple as that… oh God, you see, I’m confusing myself now. Anyway, I think after 2 series writing for The Catherine Tate Show and 3 series of Benidorm I’ve established I don’t need to know what an adverb or a pronoun is.
So in the beginning there was light.. I mean a scene which I wrote for two middle aged swingers. The scene was set in a suburban house somewhere in the midlands which, by the time I got half way through the scene, I thought a little boring so I changed the setting to around a swimming pool. Also all of the characters in the scene were equally as crazy so I decided to get rid of all the characters except the main two (Donald and Jacqueline) and replace the others with two posh characters who could then be appalled by the swingers antics. So was born the first scene in a TV script. I didn’t have a name for the show yet so as a working title I called it ‘Benidorm’ as an instantly recognisable destination for a Spanish package holiday – even though at the time of writing I’d never been there. That first script just grew, I had no idea where the script was going but knew the swingers were secondary characters and the main characters would be a family, kind of in the style of The Royle Family but hopefully not a carbon copy. As it turned out the other characters I imagined around the pool were so strong the script turned out to be an obvious ‘ensemble’ show but with the main family, “The Garvey’s”, very much at the heart of the piece.
As the story continued I had no idea how it was going to end. I knew I had one story, the fact that the ‘posh’ couple were on the verge of breaking up, but apart from that I didn’t really have a clue where the episode was going. It wasn’t until I started writing the last scene in the nightclubs ‘Neptunes’ (which at that point was called ‘The Red Lion’) that I realised there could be a much more dramatic reason for Chantelle to never take her coat off; more than just her being a very body conscience teenager. So, I had my ending (Chantelle collapsing on the stage, her secret pregnancy revealed) and now there was only one thing to do; go back to the beginning. Some very wise soul once said scripts aren’t written, they are re-written and although I never do more than three drafts for each script I’m not afraid to go back to the start and pull the thing apart. The finished script was about 70 pages, way too long for an ITV half hour (22mins 40secs aprox) but at that time I had no idea which channel (if any) was going to make the show. Once the show had been bought by ITV1 (on the strength of 2 scripts, no cast attached at this stage) the show had to be cut by around a third. I did this with the help of my then producer & friend Geoffrey Perkins who was great at suggesting which scenes should be cut, cut down or in some cases combined.
My method of working has kind of changed over the 3 series. Now I sit down with my director and producer and we discuss what general subjects we could use or which characters could do with an interesting storyline. After this quite often vague first meeting I sit in an office with Sandy (my director) and we pin index cards on the board with a very, very rough outline of what will happen in that episode; now split into 4 parts (as we now have the luxury of 1hr episodes). These cards can have either very specific sentences or ridiculously ambiguous words on them “Donald – past wife?” etc. Also between series Sandy and I go on location finding missions to Benidorm where we are guided by our fantastic locations manager Pere. Great ideas or story lines have sprang from those tours notably, the waterfalls of Algar, the practice bull ring and Callossa town square (where I had the bizarre image flash into my mind of Madge in a popemobile – I know, very random that one).
Writing can be a very lonely business, although I talk about storylines with others it’s only me who writes the scripts and as this isn’t the profession I set out to do I often have periods of depression and lack of self confidence; what on earth qualifies me to write a TV show? Me who doesn’t know the difference between a verb and a noun. Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I finish a script and think it’s an absolute crime I have only been nominated for a BAFTA but never won one, or several. And so continues the schitzophrenic madness of the ‘creative’; one day up, the other day down. Hm, if it were only that balanced!
Finally, in my opinion, the most important part of writing comedy, as you asked, is you must feel you would be a fan of the show even if you didn’t write it. Actually, bollocks to that, you MUST be a fan of your show even though you DO write it. By that I don’t mean you should sit in a room laughing at your own jokes (although of course I do) but you mustn’t write something you hope will impress others. Write for yourself. Danny Kay said, “you can’t love the world until you’ve settled for yourself”. I’ve just tried to re-write that quote with regards to laughter/laughing, it didn’t work. I told you I wasn’t qualified for this job. OK, I gotta go now. I have a TV series to write.
